Feel My Love Page 5

  I sit up slowly and listen for any noises to tell me where Brynn might be, but I don’t hear anything. I stand up; straighten out the blue t-shirt and khakis I was wearing yesterday as best as I can, and make my way to one of two doors in the middle of the enormous built in bookshelves.

  I knock once on the door to the left “Brynnie? Are you in there?” I crack the door open and see that this is her bedroom. The walls are painted a light purple color, her favorite color when we were younger. It’s nice to see that not everything has changed about her. Her white sheets and a dark purple quilt are thrown around the mattress and there are pillows on the floor.

  I smile and remember her telling me when we were younger why she hated making her bed. “What’s the point?” she said “You’re just going to get back into them and mess them up later that night, so why waste your time. “

  I know I shouldn’t, but I’m curious, so I walk in and look around the room. There is a small nightstand next to her bed that holds a simple white lamp and a phone charger. She has a small vanity against the wall by her bed that holds a bunch of jewelry and a little make up. She has artwork on her walls that looks like music notes and looks like it was painted, possibly by her because she studied art in college.

  I spot more pictures of Brynn on her walls and on the top of her dresser and glance at the different frames- her with Becca, who looks like a shorter version of Brynn with shoulder length brown hair and dark blue eyes, when they were younger, Brynn in a red bikini with a giant group of friends in the sand next to the ocean, her hanging from the side of a cliff by a bunch of ropes and kissing a guy.

  I make it to the end of the pictures and stop. I hear my sharp intake of breath and it takes me a minute to get my heart rate back down. In a heart shaped frame at the back of her dresser is a picture of the two of us at our high school graduation. She is holding her diploma in her hands and we both have our caps and gowns on. I have my arm around her shoulders and I’m kissing her cheek while Brynn looks a bit shy and is biting her lower lip.

  I take a step back and realize that I need to find her so that I can see what she’s doing today. I want to spend more time with her, but I remember that she has another job and I’m not sure if she’s at work or not. I don’t have a phone number to call her and find out where she is.

  I start walking back into the living room and realize that I know someone who might have her number; Becca. After two rings, Becca answers. “Hey Ry Ry. How’s San Diego treating ya?”

  “Oh, it’s interesting. Hey, you’ll never guess who I ran into out here.” I say, wondering if Becca even knows that Brynn lives out here. I know that her parents don’t talk to Brynn anymore and I would have figured if Becca talked to her, that she would say something to me about it.

  After a few moments of silence I know I’m wrong and that Becca did know that Brynn lives here. “So, you’ve found Brynn, huh?” Becca finally says. This infuriates me. After Brynn left, I talked to Becca about her constantly. I tried so hard to find out where she went to so that I could make things right between us again. Once Amber left, I realized I really needed my best friend back for some emotional support, but Becca told me over and over that she had no clue where Brynn went to and that she never talked to her.

  “What the fuck, Becca! You knew she was out here the whole time and never once thought I would like to know that information? Even after I asked you about her for years after she left?” I am pacing back and forth in front of the couch. Becca takes a long breath before she answers me.

  “Did you know how much Brynn was in love with you when you guys were younger?” What? This question stops me in my tracks. It never crossed my mind that Brynn loved me. She never acted differently around me, or flirted like all of the other girls in school. I was so in love with Brynn, but never thought she felt the same way and knew that if I ever did anything with her and it didn’t work out I would lose the best thing in my life; even though I lost it out of my own stupidity.

  “No, why?” I say wanting her to finish, even though I know this conversation is going to hurt. “Before Amber got pregnant, Brynn thought you would eventually come around, dump Amber and be with her. She was so in love with you. Even I could see it and I was two years younger than you guys. Before she moved out there, she told me what happened between the two of you and how you told her that Amber didn’t want you to talk to her anymore.”

  Son of a bitch! That damn text message. Becca sighs and continues, “She told me that she needed to start fresh and didn’t want anything to do with the hurt she experienced here. She made me promise that if anyone asked me where she was that I would just tell them I didn’t know, and that included you.”

  Ouch. That hurts. I can’t even speak. All I can do is nod my head while I try to fight back the urge to punch something in Brynn’s house. I change the subject and ask her how the girls are doing and if they got off to school alright this morning.

  After I hang up with Becca, I’m not sure what to do. I know that I should go find Kyle and see if they need any help with the wedding, but I can’t talk myself into walking out of Brynn’s house. Even if she isn’t here, it’s nice to just sit in her space and absorb as much about her as I can.

  I decide to look around for a bit before I can talk myself into leaving. I enter the door to the right of her bedroom and notice that it’s a guest room. It’s very simple, with a full sized bed and a dresser with a television on top of it being the only furniture. The yellow comforter and the two paintings of daisies, her favorite flower, that hang above the bed are the only splash of color in the room. There is also a giant tangle of rope and some tennis shoes on the floor next to the bed, which I’m guessing is Brynn’s rock climbing gear. I shake my head and sigh just thinking about her rock climbing now.

  I shut the door and go back into her bedroom. There is a door that leads into a large jack and jill bathroom in far right corner, so I walk in. The bathroom is clean, but it isn’t anything special. The walls are white and have a few old Norman Rockwell pictures next to each door.

  I look into the large mirror, which has been drawn on with a black dry erase marker. There is a giant star outlined in the center with the words Superstar written in sloppy handwriting across the top. I wonder if Brynn put that there for an extra boost of self confidence, or if someone else did it for her.

  Shit! I hear the front door open and shut and then realize I’ve been caught snooping around. I walk back toward the living room and see Brynn standing next to the island with her legs crossed at the ankles and her body easily bent over to touch the floor.

  Her dark brown hair is pulled back into a sloppy bun and she’s in a black sports bra, very short purple spandex shorts, and purple running shoes. While she’s bent over and I can see her back, I notice something written in black between her neck and her left shoulder and another different black design on the right side of her upper back and realize they are a few of her other tattoos. I glance at her tan, slender body again and realize she is drenched in sweat; and I’ve never seen her look sexier.

  She stands up and immediately jumps back, finally noticing that I’m still here. She pulls her ear buds out of her ears and says “Holy shit, I didn’t know you were still here. I thought you would have left to go help Kyle with his wedding stuff.”

  I just shake my head because I’m still stunned from how hot she looks right now. Her body is definitely more toned than it was when we were younger. Finally, I close my mouth and clear my throat. “Did you go for a run?” I ask then roll my eyes, looking like an idiot because it’s very obvious she did.

  “Yeah, nothing big. It was just a quick seven miles.” She smirks and then turns toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I can make us some breakfast if you want.” She says, opening the fridge to grab a bottle of water and an orange. She sounds a bit glad that I haven’t left yet; that’s a good sign.

  “Let’s get a few things straight. First, seven miles is big and would take me half a day to run that far”
I raise a brow at her as she giggles and peals her orange. “Second, you just got back from a quick run. How about I make us breakfast so you can have a rest.” Brynn plops down onto a bar stool, and then says “Well, I’m not going to argue with that. Alright, Geeves, get cooking. I’m hungry.”

  Chapter 9

  Brynn

  I quickly jump in the shower and dress in a light purple tank top and jean shorts, pulling my long hair into a messy bun, while Ryan cooks us omelets, and then we both sit down at the kitchen island to eat. The food is devoured in relative silence, with only quick glances and smiles stolen every few minutes. We finish the omelets that Ryan made us for breakfast and are both sitting on the couch with random music playing softly in the background, while we are chatting about different things.

  “Rock climbing? Really? You were afraid to look down a stairwell when we were younger, and now you’re willingly throwing yourself around mountains?” Ryan looks shocked as he asks me about it. “I know, I know. I’m still pretty terrified of heights, but you know just how much I love being outdoors. When I was a sophomore in college, there was this guy, Nate that I met at a house party.” Ryan’s eyebrows pull in and he shifts a bit uncomfortably in his seat, but I pretend not to notice.

  “He was an avid rock climber and wanted to surprise me on our first date by taking me to the top of a cliff with a blindfold on. When he took it off, I immediately froze in fear of being so high, but he made me look along the horizon and focus on the beauty that was surrounding us instead of the death fall below us. He told me that the only way to go down was to rappel, so I thought I would take a chance and try it. It was beautiful to focus on the sky and the feel of the cliff and I realized I wasn’t as scared as I thought I was. We only dated a few times after that, but we’re still good friends and I go rock climbing with him and Andy often.”

  Ryan balls his hands into fists and asks “Who?” I bunch my eyebrows together, wondering if he’s actually jealous that I still see Nate, and then I realize the confusion must come from the other name I said.

  “Andy is Nate’s wife.” I smile, and glance at his knuckles as they start to get some color back into them when he loosens his fists. “I actually introduced Andy to Nate. I tutored her in chemistry our junior year.” I slightly cringe then smile, thinking about how Ryan thought I was a lost cause when it came to chemistry, when really I thought he might have been.

  “Well, Andy was such a happy spirit and she was so outgoing, so I brought her to a party that I knew Nate would be at and they were inseparable after that night. They were actually married on the side of the cliff he took me to and I was the maid of honor.”

  “Were you in Becca’s wedding, too?” Ryan asks, with an odd edge to his voice when he says it. I look down at my hands gripping my water bottle in my lap and clear my throat. Becca had asked me to be the maid of honor at her wedding, but my parents told her that if I were going to be anywhere near her wedding that they wouldn’t pay for it. Becca seemed torn when she told me about what they had said, but I figured it was better for her to have a memorable wedding without me there than to cause a riff between Becca and my parents as well, so I stayed in San Diego. I’m not sure if Ryan actually attended the wedding, so I figure it’s better to tell the truth, well, not really.

  “Uh, no.” I grunt out, having a very hard time talking about my family. “I had something come up with work that week, so I couldn’t make it.” It’s the only thing I can think of to say that won’t add more questions, but luckily it steers the topic in a totally different direction.

  Ryan scrunches his brows together and says “What do you do for work? I asked Kara last night at the bar and she wouldn’t tell me. She made it seem like something really secretive, so I’m guessing you’re either a spy or an exotic dancer.” I laugh at the gleam in Ryan’s eyes and the slight smile on his lips.

  “Well, I’m way too clumsy to be a spy and even though I have the moves and the rockin’ body to be an exotic dancer, I’m not. I design websites for different companies, though now I think I should quit and seek out the closest strip club.” I say, rubbing my chin and grinning.

  “Please don’t dance at a strip club. I don’t think my heart, or my pants for that matter, could take the strain of you willingly spinning around a pole.” I giggle while Ryan shifts a bit in his seat and then clears his throat before he starts talking again.

  “Websites, huh? That’s pretty cool. Also another thing I never thought I’d see you doing, but the smile on your face tells me that you love doing it. You are just full of surprises, aren’t you Brynnie?” My smile fades a bit, so I shake my head and look down to my lap.

  “No, I’m not really full of surprises. We just haven’t seen or talked to each other in almost a decade, Ry. Things change. I’m not working at the grocery store anymore and I certainly didn’t think that you would be working at the hardware store like you were last time I saw you.”

  “So, do you write your own songs as well?” Ryan asks. I smile, thankful that Ryan changed the subject because he can still tell when I don’t want to talk about certain things. “Nah, I can’t ever come up with the words to write songs, so I just take advantage of the brilliance of others and sing their masterpieces.” I laugh.

  “It’s pretty cool working at the Pour House because most of the time the song selection is so varied that I don’t get bored every night. I get to sing so many different types of music, new and old, that it keeps the job interesting and fun.” He nods and after a small pause, I ask “What are you doing for a living?”

  I realize that I have never asked him what he does for a job and I’m a bit embarrassed that I was selfish enough to not ask. Ryan clears his throat and says “Well, I’m an architect now, have been for almost two years. Before that I was working as the football coach at our high school. I liked the job, but just didn’t make enough for the girls to do dance or tumbling and live in a house they could be proud to live in.” I smile and nod.

  “Good for you Ry. Sounds like you’ve been an amazing dad to those girls. They are very lucky to have you.” I pause and then realize I want to know more about his girls, so I ask, “By the way, what are their names?”

  Chapter 10

  Ryan

  My eyes widen when she asks this question. I’m not sure if she’ll be upset about what I named the girls, but I chose their names because of Brynn. Riley and Harper had always been the names that Brynn wanted to give to her own daughters when she had them.

  When Amber abandoned us at the hospital, I was in charge of giving my beautiful girls names, and when I first saw their sweet, innocent faces, I thought of my Brynn and what she would have wanted to call them.

  “Ryan? What’s wrong?” I look up at Brynn’s confused face and shift in my seat, not sure if she is going to be thrilled or pissed. “Well, I’m not sure how you’re going to react to this, so I’ll just say it.” I say, cringing.

  “Their names are Riley Brynn and Harper Marie. Riley was born first; about three minutes before Harper.” I pause, watching Brynn’s face go blank and her eyes widen at me. She is silent for a few minutes and I am sure she is pissed at me, but then she starts to wipe at her cheeks. Is she crying?

  “Brynnie? Are you okay? I hope I didn’t upset you.” What she does next throws me for a loop. She leans forward and kisses me. I feel a shock inside my body that I have never felt before. It’s like fireworks are going off in every limb. Her kiss is soft and sweet, but as soon as it begins, it ends and I instantly miss the connection.

  It takes me a few seconds to get my head to break through the fog she has just caused, and then I shake my head and say “What was that for?” She smiles and clears her throat. “That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard, Ryan. Can I ask why you named them that? And why you gave the girls my name for middle names?”

  Ah, yes. “Well, Brynn Marie Harris” I say with a smirk and look down at my hands, “even before they were born, Amber had checked out of the whole parenting thing,
and when they were born she wanted nothing to do with them. She left without ever seeing them and checked herself out of the hospital while I was gone. I was left with all of the fun tasks that come along with new parenting, including naming them both. The only thing I could think of was the names that you had told me you loved for girls when we were younger and I used to make fun of you for naming your imaginary children.” I look up at her and crinkle my nose at her and she giggles at me.

  “So, I can’t thank you enough for being girly and naming your fake children because, in essence, you named mine.” I smile wide just thinking of my beautiful little girls. “But that doesn’t explain the middle names you gave them. I mean, you could have given them your mom’s middle name or your grandmothers’ names. Why me?” She looks so confused, but I see this as the perfect opportunity to tell her exactly how I have felt about her since middle school.

  “I gave them your name as their middle names because it was a tribute to the girl I loved more than anything in the world. I still do, Brynnie. I have always loved you.” I squint, waiting for her reaction, but she just has a blank look on her face and her eyes are watery, so I continue.

  “I wanted my girls to have a small piece of the most perfect girl in the world. I thought you and I would be together in the end; that you would get rid of Jake and I would leave Amber, but I found out that Amber had wanted to get pregnant and rope me in because she thought she wanted to be married. When she told me she was pregnant, I panicked. I knew that I had to do what was expected of me as a man and get married to her, but I knew that I would also be giving up what I wanted with you and you would marry someone else and start your life.

  “That scared the shit out of me, Brynn. You were always mine and I couldn’t stomach the thought of you married to someone else. I know that sounds selfish because we never had anything, but as much as that text I sent you had killed me, I was secretly glad that I didn’t have to witness you moving on with your life when I couldn’t be a part of it.” I was looking at the walls, but my vision was out of focus. I can feel the tears welling up at the corners, so I clear my throat and shake my head. God, quit being such a pussy.